She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
