dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
