some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
