Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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