If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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