We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
