toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
