Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
