i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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