The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
