where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
