I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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