Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
