The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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