ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
