I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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