How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
