I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
