4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
