I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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