At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
