Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
