My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize