You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
