dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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