zippers are such a cool invention
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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