roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
