I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
