it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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