why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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