Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
