wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We need to get me chipped asap
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
