no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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