Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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