I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
