He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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