and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
