got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
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Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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