You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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