Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
