1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
