I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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