McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
