there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
