Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
