I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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