Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.