Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have