Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.

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  (313) 4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh. http://tfl.nu/kzwc
  Replies (11) Good night (1160) Bad night (2386)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  How come twittering sounds sexual?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Because of Bambi.

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  (609): How come twittering sounds sexual? (267): Because of Bambi. http://tfl.nu/cgx2
  Replies (7) Good night (1621) Bad night (691)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY

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  (864): she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY http://tfl.nu/d7k6
  Replies (20) Good night (6340) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please

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  (202): im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please http://tfl.nu/aagw
  Replies (29) Good night (4428) Bad night (1631)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...

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  (940): I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night... http://tfl.nu/gxgg
  Replies (10) Good night (6379) Bad night (1235)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can

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  (408): we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can http://tfl.nu/prvy
  Replies (6) Good night (930) Bad night (5112)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?

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  (905): was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree? http://tfl.nu/357c
  Replies (6) Good night (2028) Bad night (871)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.

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  (512): You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you. http://tfl.nu/zer9
  Replies (16) Good night (3275) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.

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  (716): Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them. http://tfl.nu/pe21
  Replies (9) Good night (2371) Bad night (1002)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.

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  (316): If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong. http://tfl.nu/36w1
  Replies (3) Good night (1037) Bad night (1748)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners

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  (562): My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners http://tfl.nu/wmf3
  Replies (4) Good night (1515) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...

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  (+44): I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed... http://tfl.nu/4mc8
  Replies (1) Good night (429) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.

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  (314): I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work. http://tfl.nu/eou1
  Replies (1) Good night (557) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"

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  (707): WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!" http://tfl.nu/knx8
  Replies (5) Good night (367) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?

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  (937): So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here? http://tfl.nu/g6gi
  Replies (7) Good night (376) Bad night (214)

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