I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
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I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
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I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.