Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing