u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year