Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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