So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
