You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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