Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
