She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
