I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
