Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
