i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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