Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
