You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
