Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
