Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
