There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i permit you to call me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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