there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
