I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
