Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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