i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
