Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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