Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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