I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
