Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
