So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
