I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
