i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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