So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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