just tell him i said nine months
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize