I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
