Betty ford says i'm here all night
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
