Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
