so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize